Grass is greener on the other side.

Like literally okay. I don't get why Malaysian grass are so dull. I tried searching for a picture on my hard disk for comparison but that only made me realise i never even bothered to take pictures of Malaysian grass. But then again, there were no green pastures and meadows in Orlando, so wth la lol.

I've been thinking about the future a lot, especially in these few years where decision-making plays an important part in my life. Not to say i'm the only one thinking about it, because everyone goes through this stage too. Anyway, i've been thinking, and sometimes tried to draw an outline of how my life is going to be (playing God), especially in these past 2 days. Up to the extent that my mother said she flashed the headlamps at me this afternoon where she parked IN FRONT of my house and honked at me loudly (or so she claims), and i'm telling you, i didn't hear a thing. My friends visited me at my workplace today and said that i looked emo. I'M NOT EMO LA OKAY i was just thinking. Jeez. Girls really do over think too much.

Okay, so what was i thinking? Shitloads of stuff. Primarily about my tertiary education and my working life. As cliché or overrated as it sounds, i want to go some place else. Yes, i know, i hear everyone saying it nowadays too. With the cheap (or considerably cheap compared to those days) air tickets now, it is possible for everyone to go everywhere. Call it whatever you want, i want to broaden my horizons, open my eyes to the world, etc.

My dad wants me to wait for our local university acceptance letter, which i am still clueless which university i'm going to be accepted into, and whether their certificates for a degree would be accepted internationally or not. Because believe me, i've heard countless stories of people telling me otherwise. But fine, i'll listen and obey, like i did 2 years ago before accepting the offer to enroll in Lower Six in 2009. Like my SPM results, my STPM results were okay-ish, which means it is not good enough for me to apply for full scholarships but it is good enough for me to be accepted into local universities with a higher chance of getting in. Great. Just what i wanted.  But i couldn't complain considering the amount of effort and seriousness i put in. I'm just not the examination type.

Which leads me into.... working life. In the first place, i don't know if i will be regretting my decision of going into accountancy, because i know i am not the person to go to the same old office everyday, sitting in my same old desk and doing figures whole day long. I will hate my job, i will hate my life, i will hate everything around me, and finally i will fall into depression. So that's problem #1.

Problem #2 is that i want to work in the States. Why on earth does the States has to have a totally different education system than us? Because they can afford to do so and Britain has conquered Malaysia back in those days so we have to follow their education system. I have been thinking, and thinking, and researching, and looking, and reading, and hunting for a suitable pathway for me to do so. First is ADTP, which my dad clearly said no already because he has to pay for my brother's foundation and degree in some private university while i took STPM and am waiting to enroll in a local university for 9 months. Oh and some financial constraints that i seriously am not clear about too but bottom line is that I DON'T HAVE THE CASH ATM. So, next is i take a degree and take a CPA America by AICPA. But if i were to graduate with a degree from a local university, will it be recognised as a degree for me to take a CPA America? Oh and WE CAN'T TAKE THE EXAM IN MALAYSIA although i've asked 2 counsellors from some universities whether i can take it in Malaysia, and they said 'yes'. Before this, candidates have to fly all the way to the States to take the exam but in August they're having one in Japan so that it's easier for us Asians to take the exams. I read all these in their official site okay so if you think otherwise blame their website. But i'd appreciate if any of you have relatives or had experienced the pathway to get a CPA America yourself to share with me (:

I've summarized my 2 days of thinking into the above paragraph so bear with me if this is wordy and long winded. I just needed to rant and put my thoughts somewhere where someone could give me opinions and proper advises. Facebook is too public and my blog isn't public enough. So yeah so this is like a diary for me -.-

The question is, why the States? Am i brainwashed to think that the States is the 'land of opportunities'? (adapted from a book i'm reading recently) No, not really. I just think that if i were to go anywhere, i would go to the States, rather than Europe or the Land Down Under. I mean, why not? My sister's there. They have really cool stuff like Birchbox there :P Though their taxes are pretty heavy, but oh well. For instance, i never get English jokes. Like, seriously. Movies, or people i've met. (My aunt says that they ALWAYS start a conversation with the weather. What could possibly be a better starter for a conversation?) And Australia doesn't appear as an interesting place to me. Though i wouldn't mind visiting to both places. And i'm not 'influenced' to be like an ang moh nor am i denying my race. Believe me, i am very asian in a lot of ways. Like, i always, always, always eat my eggs with soy sauce, likes long hair, uses BB cream, has a flat chest, i pronounce three without the 'h' and i fight for the bill (at times). Anyway i've been told that Asians are very exotic, so i'm definitely sticking with Asian (: If anything, i find Asian guys appealing. Only if the guy doesn't have his hair sticking to his face on one side. And has typical Asian-like mind. You know what i mean.

For some reasons, i like travelling. Even if it's within the country. It would be better if my country has the Grand Canyon and Niagra Falls though. Maybe i'll make it a point to go travelling every now and then when i'm working in the future. The thing is, if i had no other choice but to be stuck in Malaysia, i'd like to spend my university years abroad.  But if that were to be in America, it's not gonna happen because my dad has this thing against me going there, meeting someone and settle down there. And we have a different education system. Bah. Welcome to the Asian family where parents have the say to everything although they always say "it's your life, you decide". Anyway none of these are going to happen now because i am going to be here. Not that it's not a good place. I like Malaysia. I love its food, and that it's a tropical country. Just too wet at times. And we don't get natural disasters, at least not yet. But if we do, the whole country will be wiped out omg. I can't decide whether i'm a pessimist or an optimist.

Anyhow... All these will just remain as an empty box which i haven't tick on my life's to-do list. Then again, it's not my decision to make. It's God's will. But sometimes i do wonder, do we just wait for God to show us a way, or do we make an effort to do something ourselves and God will guide us through? Zzzz i need loads of prayers. And answers.


Dam dam di dam. Woooooh.