April 25, 2013

Does all roads lead to Rome?

I remembered feeling this lost and disoriented 5 years ago (if not worse), when it was the end of high school. Everyone was like, "I wanna be a doctor so i'm going into medicine!" and "I like numbers so i'll do accounting!". Me? I'm that girl who went to numerous counselors and consulted many advisers from many college booths during education fair, and even visited the colleges to inquire about what i should be doing after my SPM. Every single college gave me the same answer ; pre-university. Just 'cuz i was so indecisive and do not know what i wanted to do. Next step : WHICH pre-university? And what subjects? I do know that i will not step foot in the science stream again, but i always know what i hate instead of what i like, which makes it all the more frustrating.

Long story short, i went into AH-FUCK-IT mode and went through STPM in accounting which was highly supported by my parents, and went back into the dilemma of which course to take, in which college? Do i still want to be in accounting even though i went through hell for the past 1.5 years?

5 years down the road, i'm still at the same spot where i was. Which company to intern in? In which field? Which division? Do i STILL want to stay in the accounting field?

This love-hate relationship with accountancy, which leans more towards hate but every once in awhile the love starts to stir up my feelings, sucks to the max!

I can't help but to feel like a big fat loser. Well i'm literally fat too cos i've gained a bit of weight since i came to college BUT that aside, the loser part was mainly due to the fact that i have not moved an inch since 5 years ago. Well, i can't deny that 5x365 days had brought my eyes to many unseen places and have brought me to where i am now. Which is why there are more information and perspective to consider when i'm thinking of what to do next, which sums up to 1 word : headache. 

Somewhere down the road, at a point i felt like i was called to do something with this life which was bestowed upon me. Something aside from being an office person. But what?

All these senseless rantings aside, i had a feeling that the answer lies somewhere deep down in me, somehow. I just need to dig deep enough to find that little answer out, and Lord, won't you help me? Take me out of this misery of dilemma, use me as a vessel to do what Your will. 

If only my life can be a little more organized and have a clear-cut shape, unlike my notes :(

You can see some of the mountains, but you can't see the whole picture.
Paths blurred by the cold mist and the journey to the beautiful mountains beyond the cold mist and wilted trees are about to begin.
Say, does all roads, no matter how winding it may be, lead to Rome?